Welcome to planet Earth, Santa and Baby Jesus! Did Rudolph and the Three Wise Men guide your sleigh tonight? Ho ho!!
Our children Olga, Melvin, and Wheeler are all doing fabulously well in spite of a shared IQ of 5-1/2. Each of them achieved personal milestones in 2007. Just last month, Olga ate 31 pieces of individually wrapped, sugar-free hard candies. We now know that no living creature should eat that much sugar-free anything. Ever. We briefly wondered if Olga could overdose on Splenda, but after the incident with the bag of organic lawn fertilizer (and the vacuum-cleaner cord, the AA batteries, and the pink feather duster), we knew she could tough it out. I got a special chuckle out of the candy “shrapnel” stuck to my shoes for the next two days.
Olga recently informed us that she’s voting for Dennis Kucinich in 2008. Our girl is such an idealist!! She was recently voted “most likely to run into a burning building just for the fun of it.”
In October, Mel was on Neighborhood Terrorist Patrol and alerted us to a major threat across the street: an Islamic extremist masquerading as a plastic scarecrow. Mel growled at that evil-doer scarecrow every day for two weeks—when he wasn’t busy protecting our home from those hippy-liberal, acorn-smoking squirrels trying to molest our bird feeder. Mel was recently voted “most likely to bite you when startled.” We sleep better knowing that Mel is on the job—although we always leave on a night-light.
Wheeler continues to eat, sleep, and complain. She reminds us of a cactus with fur. We’ve enrolled her in snowboarding lessons beginning in January—won’t she be surprised? Kitty-bunga!
The year 2007 has been a tremendously prosperous one for Casa de Kendall-Watts, if by “prosperous” we mean “dodging foreclosure.” Otherwise, not so much: If manuscript rejections were diamonds, Tisa would be a wealthy woman. Of course, without the rejections, I’d make some money so either way—it’s a confusing metaphor. Lori’s job is imploding but in a good way. Stay tuned for some abrupt career changes in 2008!
In other news, Lori and Tisa are both entering menopause! At the same time! Together, we’re laughing, crying, screaming at clueless pedestrians and salesclerks—what a whacky time we’re having. Each day we give thanks for modern chemistry and our deluxe heating blanket with dual controls. Anyway, all I really want for Christmas is a few more exclamation points, since I seem to be running low!!! Here’s wishing YOU a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year!!!
Lori, Mel, Olga, Wheeler & Tisa
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment